On Saturday, the famous Fellowship of the Ring was forced to abandon its ascent of Caradhras and turn back, as the mountain (aptly called ‘the Cruel’) caused a massive snowstorm which almost proved deadly for the Nine Walkers.
The Times of Arda made it to the scene and was able to talk to a couple of the shocked survivors.
Boromir told The Times how the hobbits were almost buried alive under the snow, until he, the dashing warrior of Gondor, excavated them with nothing more than his bare hands. He claimed that Aragorn stood idly by while Boromir endangered his very life to save the little hobbits, particularly the one with the lovely shiny ring.
We asked Aragorn for comment on this rather shocking allegation, but he simply looked grim and stalked away from our reporter.
Further cracks in the Fellowship’s fellowship became apparent when we interviewed Gimli son of Gloin.
I always knew we should have gone through the Mines of Moria; we would have received a fine welcome from my kinsmen. What’s more, maybe going underground would have shut up that damned elf for a bit. Imagine! Skipping around on the snow and going on about how lovely the sunshine elsewhere is, while you’re trudging through the drifts and trying to stay alive. A dwarf would never be caught skipping – or admiring himself in the mirror, as I see ‘Prince’ Legolas doing every few hours…
Samwise Gamgee offered a more prosaic assessment of the dire situation, commenting:
Leastways they ought to build some sort of proper tunnel through the mountain, or install a cable car or something. That ain’t exactly wizardry – begging your pardon, Mr Gandalf – just plain hobbit common sense!
Lastly, women across Middle Earth will be glad to know that the leggy blonde icon, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, remains unscathed, his silvan good looks unaffected by the harsh weather.