Thranduil wins Middle Earth’s Most Eligible Ellon Award

Mirkwood T.A. 6 King Thranduil has won the latest ‘Middle Earth’s Most Eligible Ellon Award’. Every 100 years or so, the women of Middle Earth vote on which male elf lingering on the Hither Shores is the most eligible, taking into account factors such as looks, intelligence, musical ability, and muscle mass. This year’s shortlist was as follows: Lord Elrond of Imladris Círdan the Shipwright Elladan … Continue reading Thranduil wins Middle Earth’s Most Eligible Ellon Award

Artanis and ‘love rat’ Tyelkormo break up in biggest scandal since Finwë’s remarriage

Tirion, F.A. 1487 Artanis Finarfinion and Tyelkormo Fëanorion have indisputably been Tirion’s golden couple for the last few decades. With both of them enjoying stunning good looks, renowned athleticism, and shared royal pedigree, pundits were betting on a marriage within the next century. However, it has just emerged that the seemingly inseparable pair have split up acrimoniously, and shocking rumours of Tyelkormo’s alleged infidelity are … Continue reading Artanis and ‘love rat’ Tyelkormo break up in biggest scandal since Finwë’s remarriage

Is there more to Beleriand’s most famous bromance than meets the eye?

Himring, F.A. 54 It’s well known that Prince Maedhros has long had a special place in his heart for his raven-haired rescuer, Prince Fingon. But is it simply brotherly love and affection, or are they actually star-crossed lovers? Rumours have been circulating in Hithlum that Maedhros and Fingon are in fact in a romantic relationship, and have been so since the Years of the Trees … Continue reading Is there more to Beleriand’s most famous bromance than meets the eye?

It’s snow joke! Fellowship attacked by malicious mountain Caradhras

On Saturday, the famous Fellowship of the Ring was forced to abandon its ascent of Caradhras and turn back, as the mountain (aptly called ‘the Cruel’) caused a massive snowstorm which almost proved deadly for the Nine Walkers. The Times of Arda made it to the scene and was able to talk to a couple of the shocked survivors. Boromir told The Times how the hobbits … Continue reading It’s snow joke! Fellowship attacked by malicious mountain Caradhras

Horsing around: my wild fling with King Elessar

Ithilien, T.A. 3025 In an exclusive interview with The Times of Arda, Éowyn, Lady of Ithilien, has revealed details of her torrid affair with King Elessar of Gondor in the year 3019. As is well known, King Elessar (or Aragorn, as he was known then), played a central and heroic part in the events of 3019, in which he helped defeat Sauron and assumed the kingship … Continue reading Horsing around: my wild fling with King Elessar

Phwoar! Fëanáro’s sons bare all for charity

Tirion Y.T. 1492 As our readers will know, Tirion’s annual charity calendar features artfully posed naked photos of local Noldor heartthrobs. Happily, Fëanáro’s seven sons have banded together to provide the subject of this year’s calendar. To the delight of elf maidens everywhere, the calendar features plenty of individual shots as well as group portraits. Here is the Times of Arda‘s definitive ranking of the individual portraits … Continue reading Phwoar! Fëanáro’s sons bare all for charity

Aredhel dazzles in white at charity gala

Gondolin, F.A. 258 The Annual Gala of the Gondolin Refugee Association is renowned for being a gathering place for the great and good of the Hidden City. So it was no surprise to see Princess Aredhel last night, surrounded by a phalanx of admirers, stepping out on the red carpet and posing for quick pencil sketches. She dazzled in a white dress which was made … Continue reading Aredhel dazzles in white at charity gala